I woke up frustrated today - not because I have reason to be. But mainly because i’m frustrated.
A couple of days ago, I might’ve been frustrated about something in particular, but that time has passed and now it’s buried underneath my frustration for frustration.
The frustrating part about this is that I’m now frustrated about things not having much movement in my life, but I’m also frustrated because I know that I’d be frustrated if things were moving about in my life.
That said I just got done moving around a bit and while I’m not frustrated that I did, I’m frustrated because if I hadn’t I might not be frustrated right this moment.
Doing nothing is frustrating, having something to do is frustrating.
Working for myself is frustrating, working for someone else is frustrating.
I’m behind on things I committed to, frustrating.
I took on new things to do anyways, frustrating.
I’m reading and listening to books, frustrating.
I’m frustrated, frustrating.
I woke up frustrated today - not because I have reason to be. But mainly because I was frustrated
BUT
I am no longer frustrated, because once you type out the word frustration so many times it essentially loses all meaning. And once you take the edge off - you can generally unpack the frustration underneath.
Let’s conduct an autopsy on my frustration together.
A couple of weeks ago I put out a post On Fitness.
In it I mentioned that I was locked in when it came to fitness, I was firing on all cylinders and it felt incredible. I was just about to leave for a couple of weeks for San Diego and Seattle. I knew that this bout of traveling would throw a wrench into that momentum - I mentally prepped myself and it was a success! I was not frustrated because I’d expected to lose some momentum, but what I forgot to plan for was the frustration at not immediately being able to lock into the same state as before.
Cool.
What else is in there?
I intended to write a new post On Masculinity because it was a sufficiently thorny subject and I think I’ve arrived at a version of it for myself that is sufficiently original and suitable for me. I also thought that since this is a post where I’m making up for missing an issue It should be a higher-effort post. So I was excited, it felt right but I couldn’t do it, because I still need to refine why I’m writing it. And every day that I wrote and re-wrote, and it didn’t feel like a cohesive piece, and every day that I didn’t put something out I felt frustrated because I was not following through on a commitment to post every week.
Being reliable is important to me. Being dependable is important to me as a person.
I will still write this post but I’ve decided to take the meta road and put out this post on frustration instead to (again) take the edge off. Because like I said, once you take the edge off, it’s easier to think.
Sidebar, most people who thrive in high-pressure situations are just good at taking the edge off in the micro-moment.
I’ve also committed to helping my friend’s project and am in the final stretch for that, and I also want to start another project for myself which means I need to finish the prior - but until I put out this post I can’t finish that, and this whole queue of todos was leading me to frustration. But thankfully, since the edge has been taken off I’m not longer frustrated. Phew.
Anyways, my apologies for the lazy post, I tried turning my frustration into my version of prose/poetry as a one shot - I’ll be back on my game soon.
Yours,
H
Well, inactivity is frustrating, as l am finding out these days!!