More On ambition
Subbatical 2: I’m traveling around so this one is short
Thoughts on this week
I haven’t had much time or space to think much over the last week - i’ve been moving around and drove down to and back up from LA spending time w/ old (and older) friends. I have been thinking about ambition though.
Scribbles
(things i journaled throughout the week - i do generally journal when i have the least clarity so if it feels like i’m always frazzled when you read these it’s because i am in those moments, but it’s not how i am all the time)
On Ambition
A few years ago if someone accused me of being unambitious i think i would’ve found it so far from reality that i would’ve laughed them off, but it’s odd now because if someone (mainly myself) were to do that now i think various parts of me would feel regret, shame, denial and acceptance.
In my later 20s i’ve definitely had a temperance of ambition though i think the only way i accepted that happening was that i found virtue in living a life of simple ambitions. Lately though i feel like that isn’t congruent with who i am, not that what i want from life isn’t the right thing, but that terming it as a loss of ambition is not the right frame.
Becoming the richest man in the world is unanimously considered an ambitious goal, just as any proclamation to change the world is - but i think figuring out a life devoid of the rat race of money/status and power is also ambitious - though i will concede that i do think it is decidedly less ambitious than the formers. How many people are truly able to achieve that, especially without sacrificing a certain standard of material living. It’s definitely just a few more handfuls more than the handfuls changing the world - i think that’s pretty ambitious.
I think i’m ambitious that i can create a life where (usually) my day is (mostly) full of things i love. An ambition of process rather than outcome.
On PG’s How to do what you love
Acceptance Criteria for Work You Love
As an upper bound, doing what you love doesn't mean that it has to be what you want to do this second. This is relieving because general societal storytelling would have you believe that if there isn't something that's rabidly taking away every single moment of your time, then it is what you love.
As a lower bound, you have to like your work more than any unproductive pleasure. You have to like what you do enough that the concept of "spare time" seems mistaken. Which is not to say you have to spend all your time working. You can only work so much before you get tired and start to screw up. Then you want to do something else — even something mindless. But you don't regard this time as the prize and the time you spend working as the pain you endure to earn it.
Heuristics to Find Work You Love
Try to do things that would make your friends say "wow."
What you should not do, I think, is worry about the opinion of anyone beyond your friends. You shouldn't worry about prestige.
If you admire two kinds of work equally, but one is more prestigious, you should probably choose the other. Your opinions about what's admirable are always going to be slightly influenced by prestige, so if the two seem equal to you, you probably have more genuine admiration for the less prestigious one.
Tests
Whether you'd do it even if you weren't paid for it.
One is to try to do a good job at whatever you're doing, even if you don't like it. Then at least you'll know you're not using dissatisfaction as an excuse for being lazy.
Always produce. You'll know you're not merely using the hazy vision of the grand novel you plan to write one day as an opiate.
Reminders
It's hard to find work you love; it must be if so few do. So don't underestimate this task. And don't feel bad if you haven't succeeded yet.
Although doing great work takes less discipline than people think — because the way to do great work is to find something you like so much that you don't have to force yourself to do it — finding work you love does usually require discipline.
Whichever route you take, expect a struggle. Finding work you love is very difficult. Most people fail.
On expertise
I know reading isn’t necessarily a practice one could morph into a profession, and even thought a small part of me thinks if it was I could practice that professions - the reality of the situation is that I read at an above average clip and level. It’s an enjoyable act (most times) but I wouldn’t think of it as my thing. What are my things ? I’ve been thinking over this for the past few days (as readers of this have probably grok’d by now). I think Singing is something I’m probably a 98th/99th percentile at, mainly due to the fact that not many people actually sing (as in are technically adept at it, everyone sings (as they should, it’s great)) in today’s world - and I’ve had this ruminating hypothesis around live human performance becoming more and more valuable as AI takes over more of the creation aspects of it. Could AI help you sing better ? Probably, but again, there seems to be, in my opinion, an inherent value to live human performance. Similar to athletics, because singing (well) I think is much closer to sport than it is art. The amount of work and labor you put into it every day is exhausting and draining. I’d be an idiot to not try and work on this hypothesis more.
Sure technology can augment humans in these areas but just as the olympic committees bar certain PEDs, swimsuits etc - it seems to me that there would be a similar craving for pure (or at most marginally enhanced) performing arts, especially live.
Final Thoughts
I’m now headed to mexico till next week, see you all next week! If you have any thoughts on what i thought please feel free to comment below/message/text them to me.
H